'All my friends have turned on me over one drunken kiss that broke a girl's heart'

Dear Coleen

I’m a 20-year-old and a couple of weeks ago I was at a house party and I kissed a guy who’s going out with another girl in our year.

It was a drunken thing – I don’t even like him in that way – but his girlfriend walked into the bathroom and caught us, then ran out in tears.

Since then, I’ve had so much hate from my friends, who’ve made me feel like the worst person in the world.

They’re all saying how this guy’s girlfriend has no ­confidence and this relationship really brought her out of herself and I’ve gone and ruined everything for her.

One of my friends even said I was a who “weaponised my sexuality to destroy other people”. Oh my God!

I do feel terrible about what happened, but it was as much (if not more) the fault of this guy, and he doesn’t seem to be getting any flak.

I know I’ve messed up and hurt this girl, but I’m being crucified for it. I’ve sent her a long message apologising, but she hasn’t replied. My friends are still being off with me, too, and seem very protective of this girl. I don’t know her as well as my friends, but she’s very quiet and I guess I’m not.

What can I do to make things right? I’m feeling miserable and can’t believe my friends have turned on me like this.

Coleen says

Well, ask yourself if this was out of character for you or if you’ve made bad choices in the past. From what you’ve said in your letter, maybe your friends are fed up that you don’t think about other people’s feelings enough and this was kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Trust is very important in friendships and if you do things like this and don’t take the consequences seriously, then your girlfriends won’t trust you or respect you.

Don’t blame – that’s too easy. You and this guy have really hurt his girlfriend, so you need to own it. This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but you’ve made a mistake and sometimes it can take a bit of time to come back from it. Your friends obviously care about this girl, who’s upset and maybe more insecure than ever, plus her relationship is probably over, while you seem to be acting like it’s not really a big deal.

If you’ve apologised, I think you’ve done all you can for now, so back off and let the dust settle and it will.

Take it as a lesson to think more about how your actions impact other people and, going forward, make a decision not to get yourself into that situation again for a kiss with someone who doesn’t even matter to you.